The Wonderful World of Clumsy Hetalia
by Mocha-mono
Summary: Italy Veneziano is an adorkable guy. Watch as he overcomes troubles with his brother Romano, rises against his evil double Luciano, and Germany falls in love with a beautiful Italian girl (courtesy of Prussia). Contains: 2p!Axis, Nyo!Italy/Germany, Prussia/Nyo!Romano/Spain and much more.
1. Prologue

**((I'M GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.**

**OK, so what exactly is this very strange idea I had? I have grown to really appreciate Nyotalia, mostly because 1) it's an amazing take on the show and deserves a spinoff and 2) it allows me to make all the yaoi pairings het because while I love Hetalia, I am not a yaoi person. Sorry, but that's just me.**

**BUUUUT, I have been hooked on Nyo GerIta lately and the Axis have always been my favorites outside the Asian family, so I thought "Nyotalia Italies + Hetalia Italies + awkward Germany + Romano + Prussia longing to get Germany a girlfriend + 2ptalia + love triangles = OMG PLOT BUNNY." And while this is probably gonna be romcom crack and hilarity, this shall have an actual PLOT and drama/hero VS villain antics shall be present. How long this fic shall be, no idea. But it'll be fun to write, and I've wanted to practice writing characters that aren't China and his spazzy family (though they shall forever be my favorites). **

**But enough about all that! You wanna read the story, right? Hetalia isn't mine!))**

Germany was sound asleep in his bed, finding some well-deserved rest after a long day of cleaning up after his annoying yet endearing ally, Italy Veneziano. The morning sunlight filtered into the room, gently waking the sleepy German. His blue eyes opened slowly.

...only to see a pretty naked girl with brown hair right next to him in bed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"West, what are you screaming about?" said Prussia, entering the room. "I'm trying to get some awesome sleep...eh?" He suddenly noticed the girl in Germany's bed. A huge grin spread on his face. "FINALLY! GOOD JOB, WEST!"

"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, YOU DUMMKOPF!"

Before Prussia could react, the girl's eyes opened.

Much screaming ensued.

**Hetalia! **

After getting up and giving the girl something to wear, the first thing Germany asked was "Who ARE you?!"

The girl was surprisingly calm, yet obviously confused. "Italy."

Germany didn't get it. "But...how are you Italy? Italy is a boy..."

"The Germany I know is a girl," the girl replied. "I don't know how I got here at all! I'm so confused..."

As if on cue, Italy casually burst in. "Good morning, Germany!"

Shoot.

"Ooh, who's the bella ragazza? My name's Italy!"

"Italy?" The girl became indignant. "But MY name is Italy!"

"How can there be 2 Italies?"

"I don't know!"

As they bickered, Germany sweatdropped. "Bruder, call Japan. We need some help."

"On it."

**Hetalia!**

Japan watched the Italies bicker, feeling both confused and mildly amused. "I can see why you wanted me to help," he said.

Japan then casually went up to the two countries and asked, "Please excuse my interruption, but have you thought that the other Italy may be from another universe?"

The Italies stopped arguing and looked at Japan, then at each other. "Another universe?"

Italy gazed at his supposed genderbend with question. "Are you...from another universe...?"

"I...I suppose so..." she replied hesitantly.

The two stared at each other curiously.

"Hey! Why are we bickering if we're the same person?!" said the female Italy. "That's not right! We should be friends! Friends!"

"Yes, yes! Friends!" agreed male Italy. "Let's be friends!"

"_Bene! Bene! Bene!" _the two cheered.

Germany, Japan, and Prussia watched the ensuing scene, slightly weirded out.

"OK...so what do we do with them?" asked Germany.

"If she is Italy-san's alternate, then I suppose she should stay here where she could be kept safe, suggested Japan.

"You'd finally be living with a girl, West! Do it! Do it!" prodded Prussia. Cue German Dope Slap.

"Hey...we can't get us all mixed up," said male Italy, "Let's give you a name so we can be different! What should we call you, bella?"

"Hmm…" The female Italy thought a moment. "Let's call me...Feliciana!"

"That's great! Feliciana!"

"Yaaaay!"

Germany watched the two cheer and laugh. What harm could it do to have her around? OK, maybe a lot of harm, but she'd have nowhere to go if they just kicked her out. "Fine…" Germany said finally, "She can stay here until we figure out where exactly she came from."

"HECK YEAH!" Prussia shouted. Japan smiled.

Suddenly, the door opened, making everyone turn their heads towards the latest spectacle.

It was Italy's brother Romano, carrying a beautiful girl with long dark brown hair. He looked very disgruntled. "I demand an explanation."

Italy and Feliciana looked at one another before bursting out laughing, while poor Germany facepalmed.

**((OK...basic situation #1 established. *checks off item on checklist***

**So...this is just the prologue? Yep! Was that Nyo!Romano Romano just brought there? Yep! Will Spain get an active role? Yep, just not now. Will 2ptalia come up next? Yep! Be prepared for hilarity.**

**All right, that's all covered for now. REVIEW, PEOPLES!**

**See you in the next chapter! And don't forget to read my other ****_World's Fair _****stories!))**


	2. Italy's Rival

**((Two chapters because I'm restricted to bed because of my cold so I have nothing better to do! **

**OK, this chapter shall introduce 2p!Italy and 2p!Germany. I have no idea when 2p!Japan will come in so don't ask. Now, my headcanon for 2p!Italy portrayal: 2p!Italy is a tyrannical, bossy little jerk who doesn't give a second thought to cheating or manipulating people to get what he wants. He isn't all that cowardly and likes picking fights, but being Italy he's ****_always _****beaten up for it. He acts a lot like a cartoon villain, while 2p!Germany is his ally and lackey. 2p!Germany, though, is much smarter than Italy.**

**OK, let's chug on to the chapter. Hetalia isn't mine.))**

"Come on, Germany!" said Italy as they marched down the street. "We have to hurry before the store runs out of pasta!" He skipped down the hill, giving a steady beat of ve's.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," replied the exasperated German. Italy had caught news that there was a pasta sale at the store that day, so of course, he grabbed Germany and dragged him into the warm September air to go and buy some.

The duo were on their merry way when a not-so-merry voice shouted, "IDIOTA!"

Both Germany and Italy stopped in their tracks.

Further down the street, something rather interesting was going on. First of all, the owner of the angry voice looked suspiciously similar to Italy-except his military uniform was brown, he wore a small hat with tassels and his hair was a darker shade of red. His eyes were a sinister red-violet and his voice was like a harsher version of Italy's own voice. The Italy lookalike seemed to be scolding a lookalike of Germany, except this man had violet eyes, messy clothes and a scar on his face.

"Yes, you are an idiota!" the Italy lookalike yelled. "Can't you follow my orders? I told you not to touch the stupid dimensional travel machine! Did you listen to me?! No! Now look where we are!"

"Who are they, Germany?" Italy asked. "They look just like us!"

Germany's eyebrows knit together at the sight of the other Italian. "I don't know."

"I'm gonna go talk to them!" Italy said cheerfully and skipped over.

"Italy, wait!"

Italy casually tapped the other Italian on the shoulder. He whipped around. "What do you wan-oh."

The two Italians looked at each other, one looking cheerful and ditzy while the other looked shocked and weirded out.

"Germany," said the darker Italian, "Why does this guy look like me?"

"Heck if I'd know," said the other Germany.

The pair stared at each other a bit more.

"Who are you?" asked Italy.

"Me?" asked the darker Italian. A dark smile spread on his face. "Hehe...I see you don't know." He crossed his arms, the smile turning into a villainous grin. "I am Luciano Vargas, otherwise known as Northern Italy! World domination is my only goal, and with my allies Germany and Japan, I shall rule all!" He waved his hand dismissively. "Unfortunately, Germany here sent us out of our dimension and we ended up in this namby-pamby place. Ugh."

Italy looked a little off-put. "You're...North Italy? But _I'm _North Italy."

More staring.

"You mean…" said the stunned dark Italy, "You...are my alternate self…?"

"That's me!"

Dark Italy gazed at him, mouth twitching. Then, he burst out laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" Italy asked innocently.

"_You!" _said Dark Italy. "You, a ditz from this goody-two-shoes universe, are _me, _a tyrant? Impossible! Hahaha!"

Italy processed the insults and glared. "Hey, and what makes you so special, bossing people around all day?"

"I, at least, am productive," replied Dark Italy, an arrogant smirk on his lips. "If this world is how I think, I bet you're just plain _useless."_

"I'm no more useless than you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" Cue Italian slap fight.

Germany almost forgot to go and break it up because of how amusing it was to see Italy actually argue with someone. He marched over, reached out a hand and grabbed the alternate Italy, prying him off before he could get a well-aimed punch for Italy's face.

Italy cowered behind Germany immediately after. "He's mean, Germany!"

"Let me go, brute!" the Dark Italy yelled, dangling off the ground.

"Wait a minute," said Germany sternly. "If you are who you say you are, what are your plans for this universe?"

Dark Italy faltered. "Uh…"

"He doesn't have any plans," said the alternate Germany.

"SHUT UP!" Dark Italy yelled.

Germany thought a moment. He was not going to invite these guys over-if they were evil doubles, they would cause trouble, and his house couldn't hold three versions of Italy. Two Italies were enough.

He roughly dropped Dark Italy, making the evil nation hit the floor with a thump. Dark Germany took him by the collar and dragged him off, while the evil Italy ranted, "This isn't over! I might not have a plan but I'll make one! I'll be back for you, got me?!"

"Shut up," Germany muttered, while Italy stuck his tongue out.

**Hetalia!**

"An evil Italy? Are you freaking kidding me, West? I need a picture! You better show me this guy so I get a photo!"

"Can you leave me alone?"

**((I know, I know. Italy is a little OOC. But it's also my headcanon that 2p!Italy is the only person that can actually annoy Italy, so i figured them being mad at each other would be substantial. Italy will be more cowardly with him when he returns later.**

**Anyway, that's it. See you next chapter! REVIEW!))**


	3. BTT Matchmaking, Part 1

**((I have just been updating and updating this week! Which is good—I need to catch up!**

**OK, to tell the truth: those who read my other Asian-centric fics (Jiangshi Panic, Asiatalia, Asian Quickies) I'm working on them as we speak. However, I need some people to request stuff so I can write more crack! (I know you guys miss my crack.) **

**Anyhow! So what's up with this chapter? We have some fluff and romance here! And Bad Touch Trio antics, honhonhon. This is kind of when we get a little bit more into the actual plotline, other than the good vs. bad and Spamano subplots. But you'll see those later on.**

**Hetalia is not mine!))**

"Can you take me shopping, Mr. Germany?"

Germany looked up at the Italian girl across the table. "Uh...may I ask why?"

"Because I don't have anything nice to wear," replied Feliciana. "And I thought we could get to know each other better."

Germany's face went a shade of pink, and he tried to turn his attention back to the newspaper in his hands. "Uh...I suppose I could accompany you. Where exactly were you thinking of going?"

Feliciana stirred her drink absentmindedly before replying, "The shopping mall should be fun."

Germany sighed. She could be so vague sometimes.

Upstairs, Germany's big brother Prussia was watching the two converse, a grin on his face and a phone in his hands. Retreating into his room, he dialed his friend Spain. "Spain! I need you for this awesome plan of mine!"

"Oh?" asked Spain on the line. "What kind of plan, amigo?"

"We need to get West a girlfriend," said Prussia. "So tell France that we're stalking Germany today."

"Okay~!" Spain agreed happily. Suddenly, Romano's voice rang through the phone. "HEY! We're out of tomatoes!"

Spain hung up as Prussia laughed, ready for his lovely little scheme to begin.

**Hetalia!**

"Ooh! Let's go in there!"

Germany sighed as Feliciana dragged him into another store. You see, Germany knew all the basics about girls; or at least a good deal of the things that made them different from men. However, "the desire to go into every shoe store in existence" was not something he had known before. He cursed his lacking in the social skills department.

Right now, Feliciana was picking out numerous dresses and mumbling to herself while Germany waited, watching her bustle about. He had to admit, he was starting to grow used to her being around. While it did feel like he was meeting Italy all over again, she was actually kinda cute and quirky.

Germany tried to erase those thoughts from his head. _Stop it. She's just interesting, that's all._

"Mr. Germany!"

Germany looked up to see Feliciana in one of the dresses. "Look at me!" The dress was a silky white with red and green dots, with short sleeves and pleats at the very bottom. "Do I look cute, Mr. Germany?"

Germany hoped he wasn't blushing. "Ja," he said simply, "You look...very good." _That was_ _a horrid compliment._

But Feliciana didn't seem to mind in the slightest. "Awww, _grazie,_ Mr. Germany!" she said brightly. "I think I'll get this one, it's half price, too!"

Germany sighed. This would take a while, apparently.

**Hetalia!**

"Ve...I'm so hungry!" Feliciana moaned approximately 2 hours and almost 13 dresses later. "Can we stop by the food court? I need something to eat!"

In all honesty, Germany was so relieved to be leaving the store he didn't mind much when she whined about food. Thankfully there was a little gelato stand near the food court.

"I'm going to go order. I'll be back soon!" she said cheerfully before skipping to the counter.

Germany stared after her, taking a deep sigh. What did this girl have that was making him feel so comfortable with her? She was just like Italy-airheaded and strange. Why did he keep feeling like he was under a spell when he was around her?

"I'm back!" Here she came, a gelato in hand.

Germany stopped his brief inner monologue as she placed the treat on the table. "I got a gelato for us to share!" She sat across from him, a cute smile on her face.

Germany noticed the spoon she placed next to him, so he grabbed it and hastily took a bite of the icy food. Feliciana was gulping it down, much to Germany's expectation.

He watched her eat silently, battling with himself over the numerous reasons why he was feeling like this. Maybe he was sick, or...?

"Germany?"

"Huh?" He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?" she asked, her voice slightly concerned. "You seem distracted."

"Oh." He shook his head. "Nein, I'm fine." And so, the two continued to chat.

However, they did not notice the two giggling men outside the window, taping them with a smartphone.

"Honhonhon, Prussia is going to _love_ this!"

"Si! Mission accomplished!"

**((Ooh~ looks like Doitsu-san is developing a little crush. X3**

**OK! So I gave you guys your daily dose of BTT stupidity. (One of the driving forces in this fic will be Prussia's determination to get Itako and Germany together. You'll see what happens.)**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! REVIEW!))**


	4. Return and Rescue!

**((Two chapters in one day! Yeah!**

**OK, I couldn't decide if there should have been a chapter before this. But I liked writing it so much I couldn't help it. **

**Also, to let you know, but I try to keep my fanfics clean so I don't really allow anybody to swear. So while I know Romano is a pottymouth, I substitute his swears for more toned-down words. Sorry!**

**Anyway, hero vs. villain antics today! Hetalia is not mine!))**

It was a more-or-less normal day in the Germanic house. Prussia was upstairs playing World of Warcraft, Feliciana had gone out to visit her sister (whom had been named Chiara to separate her from Romano) and Germany was sitting on the sofa reading a newspaper.

Or at least, trying to. He had been feeling weird ever since Feliciana had joined the group, and it was making him anxious. He had been pondering ever since the shopping trip from the week before.

"Hi, Germany!"

"Good morning, Italy," Germany said coolly as Italy skipped into the room.

"What's wrong, Germany?" asked Italy, noticing the worried look on Germany's face. "You've been acting really strange this week!"

"I'm fine," insisted Germany, not looking at the Italian. "I'm just thinking about Feliciana, that's all."

Italy tipped his head to the side. "Germany?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like her?"

"Huh?!" He spun around to look at Italy's innocent smile. "Nein! Of course not! I...I don't even know how I feel about her!"

"But, Germany!" said Italy, "You've been awfully weird around her. And you keep blushing and getting distracted when she's next to you. People don't do that unless they have a crush!"

"I do not have a crush on her!" Germany exclaimed.

Italy gave Germany one of those looks, the look that gave you the impression that he was much more perceptive than most thought he actually was. "OK, Germany~" Italy said all the same, going into the kitchen. "I'm going to make some pasta!"

Germany turned back to his newspaper, intending to try to read when the phone on the table rang. He reached over and picked it up. "Germany, here."

Suddenly, Germany's eyes flew wide open. He grit his teeth and hung up. "Italy!"

"Huh?" Italy poked his head out of the kitchen. "What's up?"

"Japan's in danger!"

**Hetalia!**

Kuro twirled his sword in his hand, a smirk on his lips. "I don't understand why you're so attached to those two," he said smartly. "You know you'll just end up betraying them like you did with that American idiot. Or heck, like you did with your own BROTHER."

Japan attempted to strike him again, but Kuro effortlessly moved away. "I would never do such a thing to Italy and Germany!" Normally, Japan was not so emotional when it came to these battles, but the dark double was trying to get into places that he had locked away long ago.

"Sure, you say that," said Kuro, blocking Japan's attacks with his own katana, "But don't you remember how powerful you are? You could easily take those two to hell. Don't you want to be the country you once were?"

"No!" Japan cried, swinging at Kuro. "I'd never do anything like that! EVER!"

"How do you know you won't?"

"Because I am not evil and twisted like you!"

Kuro leaped in front of Japan, his blood red eyes staring straight into Japan's chocolate ones. "Don't you understand? You're just like me."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Before Japan could land a strike, Kuro grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked, making Japan lose balance. Kuro smirked as he managed to easily throw Japan against a tree, keeping him there with a single hand. "You're pathetic." Japan struggled, but Kuro had already won; he was tying Japan's hands together behind the tree. "There."

"You won't get away with this," Japan growled.

"Who are you to say that?" Kuro asked, putting the tip of his katana at Japan's throat. "You're about to die, after all."

"JAPAN!"

Both Japan and Kuro turned and looked—Germany and Italy were running towards the scene at top speed, Germany growling and Italy screeching.

"Wait, both of you, stop!" Japan yelled. "You can't just take him on—"

Kuro drew his sword and rushed at Germany, slashing at every open space he could find as Germany dodged. "I'm not letting you hurt Japan!" Germany shouted at the dark double.

Kuro said nothing, only smiled eerily. He managed to give Germany an axe kick to the chest, making Germany stumble backwards into something. Suddenly, Germany looked up to see his arms bound by Lutz. Within a minute he was tied to the tree like Japan.

Kuro already had Italy in his grasp, katana blade pressed to his throat.

"GERMANY! HELP ME!"

"Let us go!" Germany yelled.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be going anytime soon."

All three turned to see Luciano approaching, twirling a knife between his fingers. "Did ya miss me?"

"You!" Germany growled, glaring at Luciano.

"Well, what did I say?" Luciano asked, a snarky smirk on his lips. "I said i'd be back for you. Here I am." He went over to Germany, snickering. "By the way, I'd like to thank you, Mr. Germany. What you asked me last week has made me think, "If I can conquer one world, why not conquer another?" But before I take over the world again I have to get rid of the thing that stands in my way...you."

Germany narrowed his eyes at the dark Italian.

Luciano grinned. "Hmm...who shall I start with? Mm...Japan, start with him first." He gestured to Italy, a malicious smile on his face.

Kuro nodded once and began to press the blade to Italy's throat. Italy screamed.

"ITALY, NO!" Germany shouted.

"Leave him alone!"

POW. One minute, Italy was about to be murdered and the next he was flying out Kuro's grasp as Kuro was hit with some surprisingly strong force.

Germany and Japan turned to look at their new savior.

It was Feliciana and Chiara and Prussia! Feliciana and Chiara were both in uniform, rubbing their fists to fight while Prussia bounced around with a sword in hand.

"Hey! You leave the cute Italian, handsome German and cool Japanese guy alone!" Feliciana yelled, seeing the shock on Luciano's face.

Luciano thought a minute and grinned. "Uh...how about no. But you wanna fight? I'll give you a fight! Germany, Japan, ATTACK!"

Kuro went in with katana at the ready while Feliciana went in to fight. Kuro slashed and slashed, stabbing and swinging at every opportunity. Feliciana was dodging quickly and accurately, giving flying punches and kicks.

Germany watched Feliciana in fight mode with widened eyes. She was actually tough? He had half-expected her to be first to surrender like Italy, but instead she was kicking Kuro's butt. She was...amazing.

Meanwhile, Chiara faced off with Lutz. "Come and get it, OTHER potato-jerk!"

Lutz charged for her, and soon both were in a flurry of kicks, punches and chops. Chiara had the upper hand, however, and was gladly getting in some hits. Soon, he lunged for her and managed to grab her arm, swinging her and throwing her across the grass. She stood up again, ran over and then gave him a powerful punch to the chest, knocking him down.

Kuro was getting frustrated as he continued to swing at Feliciana, eventually just slicing downward towards her head. But, to his surprise, she blocked it, and then elbowed Kuro in the face. K.O.

Prussia took his sword and went to the tree, slicing Japan and Germany's bounds.

"Thank you, Prussia-san," said Japan, rubbing his wrists a little.

"Yeah, danke, bruder," said Germany, rubbing his wrists. Suddenly, it occurred to him. "Where's Italy?"

"HELP ME!"

Italy was now trembling in Luciano's clutches, a small combat knife against his throat. "It's not that easy!" Luciano said, laughing. "Now it's either surrender or say bye to your stupid Italian friend!"

"Italy!"

"Veneziano!"

"SOMEONE HELP! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE-"

"ITALIA VENEZIANO, GET OUT HERE!"

SMACK. Luciano came tumbling to the ground with a thump, Italy being free from his grasp. Everyone turned to see who exactly saved the day.

It was, of all people, Romano. He had apparently sprung out of the bushes to tackle Italy, but mistook Luciano for his brother. "Ah? What's going on here? Where's my idiota of a brother?"

"ROMANO!" Italy and Feliciana both glomped him, grateful for the unexpected rescue.

"Fratello, you saved me!" Italy cried, hugging his brother with iron force. "I nearly died but you saved me! Grazie! Grazie!"

Romano looked from Italy to the victorious faces of the others. "Huh? What do you all mean? What have you been doing to my fratello? STOP STARING AT ME, DANGIT!"

**((Amazing. Romano saved the day. **

**I'm trying to alternate the "villainous level" of the 2p characters. One episode, they'll be dorky, next episode they'll strike back with an actual plan. **

**So! Let's discuss 2p Japan. My portrayal for him is eerie, almost literally emotionless, and deceptive. He's known Japan longer than any of the characters probably even knew 2ps existed, and 2p Japan always liked to try and distort Japan's thoughts. Nonetheless, he's one of the more evil characters in this series.**

**Also, for the female Italies fight: Feliciana and Chiara both are much tougher than their male counterparts when they're angry or need to save someone else. It's canon, I looked it up.**

**Anyway, that's it for today! Review!))**


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